Process Writing - Comical

How to make a typical school group presentation

Step 1 - Form your group!

1. Your group must consist of at least* one of each of the following individuals:

*Only one allowed for The Leader

*One person may fall under several member types (except The Leader)

A. The Leader - Usually the one who comes up with the ideas, does the research, makes the presentation, etc.

B. The "I helped." guy - The one who does small things to assist but considers them big inputs.

C. The Absentee - The one who never attends group meetings but shows up for the final output

D. The Clueless - The one who presents/reads what The Leader instructs him/her to present/read but he/she clearly has no idea of what he/she is presenting/reading.

Step 2 - Planning

1. The Leader must spend at least a hour listening to the false promises and impractical ideas of the other members. Usually during this step, The Leader is busy taking mental notes such as, "What did I do to end up with these guys!?" or "So-and-so has better group mates (again), ugh."

2. The Leader must then assign simple, minimally important tasks to the other members to get their full support.

3. At the end of a successful planning stage The Leader will have a clinging feeling at the back of his/her mind caused by worrying if the other members will pull their own weight and how many times they will have to be reminded of the deadline of their simple tasks.

Step 3 - Research

1. All contact with other members is utterly and mysteriously lost.

2. The Leader must research on the presentation's topic.

Step 4 - Creating the Presentation

1. The Leader must create the presentation.

Step 5 - Presenting

1. All members suddenly reappear and act like they did something to benefit the group.

2. The Leader and The Clueless must present the finished presentation to the teacher.

3. By the end of the presentation all members usually get the same grade and none of them show gratitude to The Leader's hard work. However, the grades may sometimes vary depending on the type of teacher.

4. (Optional) The Leader may congratulate himself/herself for being such a responsible person and take comfort in the fact that he/she has a higher chance of being more successful in the future than the other members.

Process Writing - Serious

How to cook my omelet

Ingredients:

4 garlic cloves (minced - also known as "finely divided" or "cut into little pieces")

1/2 onion bulb (minced)

1/2 tsp. fresh basil (minced)

1/3 tsp. fresh parsley (minced)

1 large raw chicken egg w/ yolk

1/2 cup full cream milk

Pinch of salt

Pinch of pepper

Pinch of Montreal steak rub

1 tbsp. cheddar cheese ( diced - "cut into little squares")

1/4 cup olive oil

Preparation:

1. Mix all four minced ingredients (4 garlic cloves, 1/2 onion bulb, 1/2 tsp. fresh basil, 1/2 tsp. fresh parsley) in a container--preferably a bowl--until ingredients are evenly distributed.

2. Beat egg in a different container--preferably another bowl--until thick and lemon-colored. Add 1/2 cup full cream milk plus Pinches of salt, pepper, and Montreal steak rub and beat again until ingredients look blended.

3. Combine both mixtures in a container with a firm lid--preferably a circular airtight Tupperware. Add 1 tbsp. of diced cheddar cheese into final mixture. Firmly seal then shake container profusely until all ingredients are evenly distributed.

4. Apply even coating of 1/4 cup olive oil on medium-sized pan surface. Preheat pan on stove for 45 sec.

5. Pour final omelet mixture into pan. Wait until omelet is "puffed" then flip it when it is firm enough (omelet is firm enough if it does not break apart when lifted with cooking utensil). Continue flipping it until both sides are delicately browned.

6. Transfer finished omelet unto plate and serve.

*Unsweetened tomato ketchup is a recommended topping